


Who I Am

by rinjirenee



Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, human disaster theron shan, this was written before i knew about UMBARA
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-09-06 14:16:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16834270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rinjirenee/pseuds/rinjirenee
Summary: Veselko has always kept some secrets close to heart, but with a certain former Emperor having access to all of his thoughts and memories, Veselko considers just who knows those secrets.





	Who I Am

**Author's Note:**

> The setting here is immediately post-KOTFE, pre-KOTET, so all those spoilers apply. This was written some two years ago and first posted on Tumblr. I had no knowledge of the plot post-KOTET, so reading some of this now is a little heart-breaking. Veselko is also a light-sided Agent who is a double agent working for the Republic.

“Why aren’t you celebrating with your comrades?” Valkorion asked, though he already knew the answer.

Veselko said nothing, and laid another cleaned vibroknife on the table.

Valkorion softly chuckled in return, and his form paced to the other side of the crew deck. “You would rather sharpen your knives than to celebrate your victory against my son?”

“I’m preparing,” Veselko said, balling the cleaning rag in his fist as he looked up. “And I’m not going to celebrate until you’re dead and gone.”

“Such hostility. I keep wondering why I expect you to be reasonable.” Veselko narrowed his eyes.

“You need me alive; that’s why,” he said with an edge to his words. "You hope that I make things easier for you."

“I’m not your Sith masters or your Keeper. I would not squander your talents, nor would I underestimate you.” Valkorion turned towards Veselko, and offered another one of his empty smiles. “It doesn’t have to be this way between us, Veselko. You are so much more than Cipher Nine…”

He came forward, one slow step after another.

“More than Legate. Sith Intelligence Commader. Outlander. Not even your friends can see you as anything but meaningless titles.”

Veselko sat up straight and kept his eyes on Valkorion defiantly as he drew near. It was ridiculous to think that the bastard could do anything in his current form, yet Veselko’s stomach turned, and chills ran down his spine.

A ghostly hand came forward and rested on Veselko’s cheek, and there he felt ice. The sensation ran down along his stiffening jaw.

“With my help, you will be Emperor -- a title that wields real power,” Valkorion said. “And everyone will know your name. Your _real_ name. They will both fear and love you. They will see your true potential, your true self."

He leaned forward, drew closer to Veselko's face.

"You keep too many secrets, Veselko," he murmured. "For whom do you keep them?"

Veselko stared into the cold void of Valkorion’s eyes, trying to ignore how disgusting his name sounded articulated by a monster’s tongue.

And then, momentary relief. Valkorion stood, his fingers drawing away. “Even your lover wonders why you aren’t with the others.” Another deep chuckle.

Veselko still felt the cold sting on his cheek. He could barely breathe. He couldn’t take it anymore. He shut his eyes tightly and waited, hoped for the feeling to pass.

Another touch, suddenly, on his shoulder. Veselko’s limbs tensed and he jumped in his seat, and his eyes flew wide open to look up.

“Hey, whoa…” Theron held up his hands as he slowly lowered himself down to sit down on the sofa next to Veselko. “Was just checking up on you. Didn’t mean to scare you awake like that.”

Seeing Theron there was an unimaginable relief, but upon searching his immediate surroundings, Veselko could not shake his confusion. The vibroknives were there on the table, but only one had been cleaned. The cleaning rag was abandoned, resting near his leg. He started to vaguely remember leaving the celebrations at the base because Valkorion had unsettled him. He came to the Phantom to focus on something else that he could control -- cleaning his gear. He couldn’t remember falling asleep.

“… I’m sorry, I was tired,” Veselko said slowly, trying to piece together what had happened. The feeling of waking up after something so real was too familiar, and it was eerie how Doctor Lokin’s lab was only steps away. He could still remember waking up, staring at the ceiling. “I must have just fallen asleep.”

“It’s been a few hours,” Theron said, with a touch of concern. “I guess it’s not too surprising you’re exhausted, but maybe you wanna try sleeping in a bed instead? This looks like the opposite of comfortable.” He smiled, then reached out to brush Veselko’s cheek with the back of his fingers.

The feeling of ice. Veselko reflexively turned his head away.

“… Ves?” Theron drew his hand away quickly.

It had been some kind of dream, but it was real. Not too unlike his episode after Taris, but Watcher X had never been there, not truly. Valkorion’s presence was beyond that fine line between dream and reality that Veselko didn’t understand, and it made him uneasy to know that Valkorion had learned to cross it – Or, that he had finally decided to cross it, now that the throne and victory were that much closer. Veselko realized at once that his so-called absence was probably another lie.

“Theron,” Veselko said, attempting to anchor himself back to what made sense. He found Theron’s warm eyes and held them there. “Stay here with me.”

Theron hesitated for a moment, but then he obliged Veselko’s request and reached out to draw him close. “Always,” he murmured into Veselko’s ear, the sincerity in his soft voice breaking Veselko’s heart.

He lingered in the warmth of Theron’s embrace for as long as he could, setting aside the painful memory and replacing it with what was safe and wanted. He only drew back to find Theron’s hazel eyes, and when he could no longer resist, he kissed Theron – a small one at first, if only for apology, and then something that remained, deepened. He urged Theron, fingers burying into his hair. He drew in the touch of his lips, his taste. Their moments together always felt like they could be their last, and the stakes were mounting higher and higher. Like this, Veselko could briefly pretend that they were the only people left in the galaxy, that there was no war waiting outside. It was peace, the only peace that Veselko had ever really known. “Bonding in a time of crisis,” he had once called it, borrowing from Shara. It had become so much more with Theron, though the galaxy was spiraling into chaos around them.

Theron pulled away, leaving Veselko’s lips with a pleasant tingle as he trailed kisses to the corner of his mouth, to his jaw. His hands lowered down to Veselko’s waist, gently gripped. Heart starting to race, Veselko arched his neck as Theron’s kisses fell there. Veselko’s other hand gripped Theron’s shoulder when he felt the sweet sensation of Theron’s lips against his neck, his pulse. He shuddered and let out a soft breath he didn’t realize he was holding. He closed his eyes as Theron pulled him closer.

Valkorion stared back.

Veselko’s eyes flew open again, both hands gripped at Theron’s shoulders. “Wait,” he gasped.

Theron drew back, quickly coming out of the moment. “Wh–,” he stammered. “Ves, what’s going on?”

The warmth died away too quickly, leaving disappointment and fear. “I’m sorry,” Veselko said. “It’s just…”

_Stop hiding. He needs to know._

“It’s Valkorion,” Veselko finally admitted. “I thought he was gone, but I was wrong. He lied.”

The defeat in Theron’s eyes was plain to see. “… Lana thought that was the case, too, but we didn’t want to pry so soon,” he said quietly.

“And I’m sorry–”

“Stop apologizing,” Theron cut him off, frowning. “It isn’t your fault he’s done this to you.”

“But of all the people in this galaxy, I shouldn’t be leaving you in the dark.” Veselko took in another deep breath to bolster himself before continuing. “Valkorion knows everything about me, and there’s nothing I can do to stop that… but I can stop him from knowing you.”

“It might be a little late for that,” Theron said, defiant. “And I don’t really care what that bastard thinks of me.”

“If I had understood him better before, I wouldn’t have let it happen…” Veselko felt his heart sink in his chest. “I still don’t really understand his bond with me, or what it means. But until he’s gone… it’s not fair to you.”

“Yeah, I got it. I understand.” Theron said with a heavy sigh. He then pulled back, and leaned against the back of the sofa and resting his hands on his knees. “Dammit,” he spat, grimacing. “I hate this. I can’t do a damn thing to help you.”

“You are helping me. I don’t know how I can do any of this without you.” Veselko looked away for a moment, confused by his own thoughts and unsure where to go from there. When he looked up, he saw that Theron had put his forearm over his eyes – clearly out of frustration. He would take on the burden of the entire galaxy if he was able to, and Veselko knew he blamed himself for nearly everything gone wrong since Ziost. Theron’s empathy hindered him in his work at times, but Veselko loved him for it. He trusted him because of it.

“Theron,” Veselko beckoned him gently.

“Yeah?” He didn’t lift his arm, but he was paying attention.

“I need to go over some scouting reports with you, if you have the time.”

The arm finally lifted, revealing a bewildered look. “… Yeah?” He sounded mildly frightened, and completely confused.

Veselko smiled, put a finger to his lips, then quietly stood up and went into the ship’s conference room. After the incident with the Shroud, the entire base was combed and combed again for bugs and listening devices and everything was clean, but Veselko tried to err on the side of caution. A technique he’d learned from Intelligence – he programmed a signal from the Phantom that would broadcast white noise for a time, obscuring what could be heard from the outside. It could only last in short bursts because it would draw suspicion otherwise, but he figured thirty minutes could cover it. When all was set, Veselko stepped outside and leaned on the door frame, smiling at the confused Theron still sitting in his seat. His own heart raced with nervousness, for he could picture Theron walking out the door after all was said and done. But it was better than the alternative – to let Valkorion go on thinking he controlled everything in Veselko’s life, including who he trusted enough to let in.

“No one can listen from outside. I want you to know everything about me, my past…” Veselko said quietly. “The real me, in case… something should happen, or…”

“I already know you, Veselko,” Theron said, standing up. “You don’t have to do this.”

“I want to,” Veselko said. “Someone besides Valkorion needs to know.”

_________________

Theron sat quietly in his chair, his elbows resting on his knees and hands fidgeting together. His mind was racing; Veselko could see it in his eyes.

“I just… I just had no idea,” he finally said, looking up at Veselko across the room from him. “I had some details about you and your movements over the years, and that Star Cabal thing... Kothe had his own missions, and he had special permissions and security clearance.” He then snorted and shook his head. “I can’t tell you how many times I tripped into SIS plans on accident. We didn’t have Intelligence’s organization.”

Veselko smiled, though he still wondered if Theron wasn’t going to get up and walk away at any minute. “I don’t think the SIS actively bred and programmed their agents like Intelligence did, either.”

“No, but apparently we weren’t above using Intelligence’s brainwashing techniques when given the chance…” Theron’s words cut off and he frowned. “I can’t say I would have disapproved back then, either. A lot of that changed only after I met you. If it hadn’t been for Revan… We don’t make a habit of outing our contacts. You would have still been a high priority target.”

“Thankfully it never came to that.”

“Yeah…”

Veselko figured they had less than three minutes to talk, to clear the air. “I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to tell you,” he said, sighing. “I felt there was too much at stake, but it’s all irrelevant now.” He shook his head. “Lana and the others can still never know, at least… not now. I’ve owed the truth to you for so long…but I was afraid of what it might change between us.” He restlessly sighed. “We don’t have much time left…”

“Ves…” Theron said, but didn’t follow up. He suddenly rose from his seat, his hands balling. Veselko’s heart stopped.

Theron stepped slowly towards him. Knelt down. Veselko could breathe again when he felt Theron’s arms around him, pulling him in.

“The only thing you’ve told me is what I’ve known all along,” Theron said. “That you’re a good person with a good heart, and that the first time we met was the luckiest moment of my life.” He then snorted again, but his smile could be heard in his voice. “Even if that was also kind of a bad day, too.”

Manaan felt like ages ago. Veselko held onto Theron, as if he might be gone at any moment. “I’m so sorry,” Veselko said without thinking.

“I told you, stop apologizing.” Theron softly chuckled, and rustled Veselko’s hair gently. It brought out a laugh, though Veselko could feel his throat tightening and his chin buckling.

_Soon, only a minute left._

Theron pulled back, and they stared into each other’s eyes. Theron’s hands went to either side of Veselko’s face, and he gently brushed the corner of Veselko’s mouth with his thumb. “Valkorion’s not taking this away from me. Never again,” Theron murmured.

_Seconds._

“I love you,” Veselko said, closing his eyes as a tear rolled down his cheek.

“I love you, too.” Theron kissed him.

The broadcast emitter gently beeped in the other room.

“And that’s the last of the reports?” Theron said as he pulled away, grinning.

“Disappointing, I know.” Veselko smiled.

Valkorion said nothing, and walked away.


End file.
